well you can't waste a boner
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
