Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
