Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
