I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize