My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
