It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
