Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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