what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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