I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
