I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
