I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
