her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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