Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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