I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
