even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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