Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
