Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
