We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
