I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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