She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
