I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
