Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
