i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
