So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
