I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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