Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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