This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
