apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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