ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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