The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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