I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
