he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
