wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
