I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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