take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
