I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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