on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
