it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
