he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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