dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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