if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
