North Korea, Best Korea!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
