why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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