Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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