I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
