ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
