yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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