The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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