Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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