I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
