Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
