I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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