I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
