glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
