I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
