I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
