i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
