The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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