we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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