she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bring me that man meat
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
