I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
