Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
