the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
