We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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