He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
