I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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