yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I CAN MOONWALK!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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